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F8592 Posts: 2
Posted On: 6/26/2022
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1. We got married in Dec 2019. I came here in Canada In mid of April 2022. When I came here my relationship with my wife start upset because of her Family interference. I was living with my in laws in their basement and they keep pushing me for parties/family/marriages on daily basis and when I got tired from all this I said them I can not do it daily because i need to focus on my Job and health as well, they start mentally torturing me. He abuse me 2 to 3 times and always saying me, you have to do whatever we are saying. When ever I sit with them they keep pushing me to go with them. Many times they asked me why you are doing job after 5 o clock, you are ignoring us, How ever I am a finance person and late sittings are norm. These taunts and pushing me every time for things which I can not do, becomes a torture for me because every time they misguide my wife and she fight with me.. One day my father in law abuse me for not going with them on party and i got to much tortured on this thing and I slapped on my head and got concussion, This was the worst time in my life.. My wife asked me to give statement in hospital that I fell on the floor.
After few days of this I feel congestion in my chest and called my wife but she was on picnic with her parents and didn't picked up my call so i went to hospital on bus and reached there where doc diagnosed me that it was concussion. That day my father in law picked me from Hospital and dropped me at my Aunt house at 2 o clock in night, shout there and said now you live here. You always have panic attacks and you are a trouble for us.
Now they are saying i can not talk to my wife because I am mentally sick. This thing is torturing me and every day is just like a hell for me because i did everything for my wife and today she also left me all alone at home and hospital as well. I beg her that I am ready to get a home for us, but she refused. Her mother and father are interfering too much in our life which destroyed my relationship and yesterday she needs separation.
2. Last year when I was in my home country, I gave my Credit card number to my wife for shopping and my mother in law used my card and said it was a mistake and then keep trolling me that you must had a heart attack. Although its not possible to use Credit card of any one by mistake.
3. I came here in April 22 and my father in law filed my tax return of 2021 without my consent and asked me to sign on my tax return and said, you have to sign it and when i said no, he abuse me and again become a reason of fight between me and my wife because she always took their side. He mentioned in that tax return that I was taking WCB in 2021 however I came here in April 2022.
I tried a lot to tell my wife that this loneliness is killing me from inside but still she doesn't care and its a big pain for me right now. I am so depressed, going down and down, lost my weight from 76 to 70 kg in last few weeks. Living without her is killing me from inside. This whole situation is so much difficult for me. After all this torture she is saying "You have panic attacks that's why you hit yourself few times.". She never try to understand that her family is destroying our relationship. I also saw few unacceptable pictures of my wife which becomes reason of fight but I ignored it but she is saying she will do whatever she wants. I beg her to not to leave me like this, she can do anything she wants, just don't leave me bcz i can not live without her. I tried everything for my wife but now they are saying I did nothing in past 3 years. I am so much depressed, tired and tortured now.
I have few questions;
a) If I am male, Does it mean they can abuse, mentally torture me in any way? and my wife is female so I can not do anything?
b) My wife forced me to write letter to CRA that my tax return filing was just mistake by her accountant (Her father is also her tax accountant) and not intentional, otherwise CRA will create an issue for her father. Now is it a problem for me?
c) Can they put any claim on me and asked immigration to deport me, in case of divorce? or will it create any issue at time of citizenship?
d) Do I have to pay spousal support in case of divorce, I heard its 50%. I just came here, my wife left me alone at my aunt house. My parents are sick and need money for medicine. I need money for rent and food and travelling. If I will pay her 50%, I will have nothing for survival.
e) Do they calculate spousal support from start of marriage (Marriage was in pak) or when I reached Canada?
f) My wife gave consent to IRCC that she will provide me food and shelter for first three years but she have left me alone in difficult time. Now what should I do?
g) Do I need to inform CRA that we are separated? Does it fall under separation?
I am new here, don't know where to go? where to seek help, so much depressed right now and need some help how to resolve these problems. any one who can guide me in detail please?
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Moderator Moderator Posts: 4069
Posted On: 6/30/2022
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Hello,
Thank you for sharing your situation and question with us.
We can appreciate that you would be concerned about this situation.
You can find some important information and supports in our Settlement.Org article here, Where can I get help for domestic abuse?
As a man, you can get help in an emergency, in a crisis, or anytime that you experience abuse. You can get help in many ways:
- Call the police for emergency protection.
- Go to a hospital or tell your doctor.
- Call a telephone crisis line for assaulted persons.
- Contact a settlement agency.
- Contact a community information centre.
- Speak to a social worker or counsellor.
- Go to a shelter.
In case of emergency, you can reach Emergency Police by calling 9-1-1 or look online for local emergency phone numbers.
You may also dial 211 on a phone for free and speak to an Information and Referral Specialist who may be able to refer you to some other supports and resources.
211 is free and it is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and will be the best resource to providing you information about supports and services near you. Here is a link to their live chat if you prefer to communicate online: https://211ontario.ca/chat/. Their live chat service is available Monday to Friday from 7am-9pm ET.
You may also find helpful information in the Settlement.Org article, Where can I get help with my mental health?
There are more options listed in the article, feel free to browse for information. 211 will be able to help tailor your options to your location and specific needs. Be sure to let the operator know what kind of support/services you are looking for and your location. (neighbourhood, postal code, or city).
Ontario criminal law and family law protect you against domestic abuse. If you are a permanent resident, you will not lose your status for reporting abuse or leaving an abusive relationship.
Here is an excerpt from Immigration, Refugee and Citizenship Canada (IRCC):
If someone is threatening or abusing you, get help right away. Please call 9-1-1 or your local police in an emergency.
- Do you currently live in Canada and are waiting for a decision on your permanent resident application?
- Are you facing family violence?
- Are you afraid to leave your abusive spouse or common-law partner for fear that you may lose your immigration status?
- Has your temporary status expired?
We can help protect you by giving you a special permit to stay in Canada. It’s called a temporary resident permit (TRP). It will give you legal immigration status in Canada. You can also get this permit for your children if they are in Canada.
In Canada, you do not have to testify against your abuser to get temporary resident status.
There is no fee for an initial TRP in cases of family violence. Depending on your situation, it's possible to apply for another TRP at the end of the initial period.
You can learn more about how to get a TRP from the IRCC website.
You may also find this Steps to Justice article helpful it contains legal information and next steps, here is an excerpt:
Your partner might threaten to have you deported from Canada if you report their abuse or if you leave them. "Deported from Canada" means being forced to leave the country.
Your partner cannot have you deported. Only federal immigration authorities can force someone to leave Canada.
The risk that you will be forced to leave Canada depends on your immigration status.
It may be best to consult a reputable and registered immigration consultant or an immigration lawyer familiar with immigration issues and family law for advice regarding your situation. To find a community legal clinic in your area, visit Services Near Me.
We hope this information is helpful. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to post them here.
Sincerely,
Your Settlement.Org Team
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Leesa13 Posts: 1
Posted On: 11/15/2022
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I just learned of this site. Not sure if im in the right place. My son is on a long waiting list for ODSP but currently on Social Services, married 3 kids. 4months, 4 and 10. His worker talks down to them, will not listen and is making life stressful. What can I do to help? Can I talk to his worker.
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Moderator Moderator Posts: 4069
Posted On: 11/18/2022
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Hi there,
Thank you for sharing your question and situation with us. I’m sorry to hear that your son isn't receiving support in the way he needs and deserves.
Depending on where you live, you may find helpful information in this article, "Make a Complaint about Employment & Social Services". He may wish to make a complaint to management in your local office, and here is an excerpt on next steps:
If you are not satisfied with how your complaint has been handled, you can contact staff at the Client Services & Information Unit for further assistance. All complaints received are formally recorded and reviewed by management staff. The information you provide will be used to investigate the complaint. You may be contacted by phone for more information.
What happens if I disagree with the outcome of my complaint?
If you are not satisfied with the response to your complaint, you may contact the General Manager’s Office, at 416-397-9682, for a further review.
If you are not satisfied after contacting the General Manager’s Office, you may contact the Office of the Ombudsman, City of Toronto at 416-392-7062, or by email at [email protected]. For more information, visit the website for the Toronto Ombudsman.
Similarly, you may also find some helpful information in the discussion forum thread: Ontario Works Caseworker ignoring my emails.
Here is an excerpt:
You can contact your local office for more information or escalate your complaint above your caseworker and their direct supervisor.
If you’d like to file a complaint about your worker and the way they have conducted themselves professionally you can submit a complaint to the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers.
If you wish to make a complaint about the Ministry of Children, Community and Social Services itself, you can do so through the Ombudsman of Ontario.
Settlement.Org also has a Financial Assistance section, where you can find information on various government programs and financial supports your son may be eligible for.
You may want to connect with a settlement agency that provides employment services using our Services Near Me section. It may help to connect with a community resource navigator at 211 to narrow your search. 211 Ontario is a free, confidential service. Their phone service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Here is a link to their live chat if you prefer to communicate online. Their live chat service is available Monday to Friday from 7am-9pm ET.
We hope this information is helpful. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to post them here.
Sincerely,
Your Settlement.Org Team
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